Rest, Really Rest, on the Sabbath?

Sabbath.  So much wrapped up in that one word.  Seven letters representing a break on the seventh day.  In our house, we have committed to not doing anything related to our regular type of work on Sunday, nor going shopping (this we are not perfect in).  For me that translates to not doing school work, laundry, or cleaning, and not going grocery shopping.  Cooking for my family is still necessary but I try to prepare leftovers, and my husband and kids pitch in to help.

For my husband, the no-work thing appears like it has easier boundaries since he is physically not in his office on Sunday, and he definitely doesn't have to be convinced not to go shopping.  For me though, as a homeschooling mom, not shopping on Sunday means I may have to take all three kids with me to the store another day during the week (gasp!), and since I live in my 'office', it's hard to figure out where my work begins and ends.

At once, I feel relief that the Sabbath is coming as I desperately want rest, and yet also I feel stressed that I won't be able to get everything done in order to rest.  I liken it to having a substitute teacher come in for me when I taught high school--I may have missed a day of work, but wow the pile of mess I returned to the following day never made it worth it!  The worry is this--will I climb the "Saturday mountain", hit the bed exhausted, rest some on Sunday and then start Monday behind?  I ask God, if this is truly meant to be a gift to me, a true restoration of the body, mind, and spirit, then why does it sometimes feel like it adds such a burden to my life?  Do I really trust God will provide the time I need to accomplish what needs to be done if I obey him in this?

The Bible tells us that Jesus is Lord of the Sabbath, and that the Sabbath was made for man (Mark 2:27-28).  It clearly is meant to be a gift to us, a blessing.   And I look also at the examples of Mary and Martha as they cared for Jesus in their home (Luke 10).  I know Mary made the wise choice, by leaving the mess and sitting at the feet of the Lord in peace.  Somewhere in these examples I find a glimmer of hope.  A faint stirring within me that yes, this rest is actually attainable, that restoration to my worn out soul is possible.  I must, though, look honestly at myself and the barriers I have created that block God's healing work.

I am controlling.  I know this to be true.  It's not a good quality to have.  When it's all said and done, I really think I'm in charge of running this ship, running this 'office' I call home.  I say what we eat, when and where we go, and how things are done.  Now I believe that wives should submit to their husbands, and for the most part I feel like I do that.  I am married to a great man who leads our family spiritually, but doesn't mind me running the day to day details of the house.  In fact, I think he likes it.  The issue is though, that I shouldn't be in charge.  Jesus should be.  Does He care what I make for dinner?  Yes, I believe He wants us to be healthy.  But if I am choosing to involve the kids in too many activities, sports and play dates and as a result, there is not enough time left to adequately prepare for the Sabbath, then I have done wrong.  If I obsess over the cleanliness of my house before people come over, and I can't find time to observe the Sabbath, I've done wrong.  I should be praying over my choices.  Do they honor my family?  Do they respect my time?  And will they be honoring to the Lord?

I want to be like Mary.  I want to sit at the Lord's feet, and take a long deep breath. Ignore the swirls of dog hair in the corners, even if someone comes to visit.  (Adios perfectionism!)  Deep breath.  Ignore the dishes piled in the sink.  (Someone else can do them!)  Deep breath.  Ignore the laundry (homeschoolers can wear pajamas to school).  Deep breath.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!  It's in the praising that He restores.  It's in the worship that He makes new.  The Sabbath carves out time to make Him the focus, to give him the control.  The answer is clear:  honor the Sabbath, and I will have breath to praise the Lord.

Blessings from the Heights,
Catherine

Hurry Up Before You Turn 40!

So yet another year has begun.  As I walk into 2013, my second year of homeschooling my three children, I have high hopes for all that will be accomplished.  I'm not really a 'resolution-setter' in that I've always associated them with diets for some reason...yet I find myself setting many goals for this year.  It seems this year, the final year of my life before I turn 40, I have an overwhelming urge to finally do those things on my bucket list that I have been stalling on for years now.  Starting a blog has been one of them...so here I am.

I love homeschooling, truly I do.  I love seeing my children learn.  There is nothing like watching a child go from being a non-reader to truly loving the written word.  I am blessed to have a front row seat to the magic that is created when siblings rejoice in one another's achievements. I relish in the learning detours we take--the ones that develop out of a passionate interest sparked in a child who learns something new about the majesty of God's creation and simply has to discover more about it.  Here in my house, we have the time to take these detours.  We have the time to miss a day to visit a local museum or aquarium.  We have time to invent, to investigate, and to inquire.  And this is a gift I do not want to take for granted.

I still somehow struggle with my identity in it all.  Who am I really?  Am I a stay-at-home mom?  Yes..but not really.  I do laundry, dishes, cook, and clean, and yet I teach full-time.  Am I the professional I was years ago when I taught public school? Yes...but not really.  I work hard on my lessons yet I wear workout clothes everyday hoping to fit in a half-hour on the treadmill in the basement, I am lucky to get a shower, and my 'colleagues' consist of my 3 kids, my dog, and my in-laws.  So where do I really fit in?

I think my rush to hurry up and make something of myself by the time I'm 40 is really an insecurity.  It's a self-doubting, a wondering if I've done anything of true significance yet and if not then time is running out.  What if my kids actually never learn anything at all?  What if I lose my mind urging yet one more child to finish the last 5 math problems on the page?  But that is a lie.  I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, friend, and a child of the King.  This tells me that my 39 years have indeed impacted those whose lives I've touched, just as so many others have made a difference in my own.

I think the real issue is sacrifice, and this can apply to any job, career, or life-calling.  The true question is--am I willing to sacrifice what may have been my goals say...in my 20's...for the sake of others' gain?  In my case, am I willing to give up some dreams I may have had in order for my children to experience a richness that wouldn't otherwise come to them?  I can honestly say not always, or at least that it's a struggle some days.  It can be easy to resent the giving up of oneself.  It can be easy to want to flee from what feels like a constant outpouring of my time, energy, and heart.  I know that for many reasons this is what my children need of me.  God has provided the means for it to happen.  And I believe the joy of true accomplishment can only come in the full surrender to the plans He has for me.  I must view my 39th year through His eyes, and live it as He would see fit.  Only by honoring Him will I ever feel like I have truly found my identity.

Blessings from the Heights,
Catherine